Jimmy Kimmel, Astrosplained

Jimmy Kimmel

Ladies and Gemcutters,

We live in interesting times.  The Atlantic has done an in-depth look at Jimmy Kimmel’s road to redemption, for people who may not be familiar with his pre Live! work on Crank Yankers and more importantly The Man Show.

Gentle reader, you know an ephemeral orchid like myself would never watch Crank Yankers, the Oscars, or Jimmy Kimmel Live!, too busy scowling into my ephemeris.   But I do read the news.  And I experience what we Catholics call “the communion of saints.”  Asian cultures often have something we call “ancestor worship,” I know there are other names for it too.  Genetics aren’t the only way to get I See Dead People (ISDP).  Many people get their ISDP turned on automatically with their PTSD, like a cable bundle that includes a few premium channels.  That’s how I got mine probably, though I’m predisposed with the Catholicism and the first name Teresa.

I’d love to go off on a communion of saints tangent, but my saints woke me up in the middle of the night and told me to look at Jimmy’s chart.  I wrote Jimmy an impact statement about what it was like for me to be a trafficking survivor during The Man Show’s heyday, what it was like to grow up dehumanized.  It was one of those Ghost of Christmas Future letters.  So I knew it would be a longshot if he read it.  So I stacked my deck on pressuring his people to at least look it over.  Because really the hypocrisy of Jimmy throwing stones at Roy Moore was too much for me.

Speaking now as  a #MeToo girl, nobody from The Man Show is my friend.  If they were, I’d be in a black car on my way to a clinic on Wilshire Boulevard, where a board-certified anesthesiologist would put me on a ketamine drip to treat my life-threatening PTSD and depression.  Because my friend Jimmy would have made reparations to people like me, so I’d have the cash.  My goal with writing him that letter, aside from the personal catharsis of dumping an ice-cold bucket of shame on him, was to wake him up to the potentially positive influence he could be.  [I also mentioned the other sort of reparations in my letter to Jimmy, because that also needs to be repaid, and I believe will be.]

So I’m not saying it was a waste of my time, not at all, though he doesn’t seem to have read my impact statement.  I got beautiful clarity from it.  And it was interesting to see how my intuition about the whole thing has played out.   The question in the Atlantic article linked above seems even more salient now, after the Oscars bomb.  Can Jimmy Kimmel be a credible social justice warrior?  I know that’s a supposed pejorative term these days, SJW.  But honestly, if the idea of being a “social justice warrior” bothers you, you’re probably not reading this.   I’d be proud to have that on my tombstone.

Would Jimmy?  Or is this all just hypocrisy and exploitation?  Gentle reader, let’s pop the hood on Jimmy Kimmel and run the diagnostic.

jimmy kimmel chart

First order of business, the Sun is in Scorpio.  That’s the sign with the little devil tail, you know.  No real surprise for the little dickens who brought us Crank Yankers.   Scorpio is an intuitive water sign, ruled by Pluto and Mars.  So those two co-rule this chart.  That seems pretty straightforward for the guy from The Man Show.  Even better than Aries, actually, because Pluto makes things dark, intense, and transformational.  And really, that’s the high road for Jimmy IMHO.  He could about-face and really change some things.   But he needs to humble himself, and apologize for the aggressive misogyny and all-around bad behavior that made him rich and famous.

Pluto is at what we think of as the outside of our solar system.  But of course it’s so full of space junk, we only have an inkling what the heck is going on out there or what has happened, or how long history really is.  I think it’s Turtles All the Way Down.

And that’s the moment we’re at, I believe.  We’re defining a new paradigm right before my eyes.  I just watched America’s high schoolers go from business as usual to war on the NRA literally overnight.  I’m all in favor of allowing Jimmy to evolve his Mars into beautiful, clear-eyed leadership.  But that all comes with scar tissue.  (Ask me, I know!)  And what Jimmy needed to do to rock the Oscars, and become a big fan favorite, was simple:  apologize.  Humble yourself.  And OMG, neither Pluto nor Mars is wired for that.  At. All.

For those who may not have read my other posts describing the Plutonians, Trump’s evil Frick and Frack are Stephen Miller and Omarosa.  We live in a triune universe, so Fike Muckabee makes three.  Those three show a nice range of how Pluto can look depending who applies it (negatively, that is.  Again, I’m not usually looking at people who’ve gone to the head of the class for their personal greatness.  I’m not doing Maxine Waters.)  But this will give you an idea of how Pluto makes people nuts.  It makes them wage war on immigrant janitors.  It makes them the NRA’s favorite pastor.  It makes them be Omarosa.

Scorpios can be very fun to hang around with, because of the little devil aspect.  Unless they become huge devils.  And Mars is always itching to go.  And that’s the tightrope Jimmy seems to have been walking.  But speaking now as someone with raging Pluto and Mars herself, the only way out is through.  Pluto makes or breaks people and things, sometimes suddenly.  Pluto goes all the way.  You can’t go all the way from having an anti-woman show to redemption without making a pit stop in Apologyville.  Just saying.

I’m kind of hammering on the Scorpio because Jimmy has Neptune combust.  The Sun moves much quicker than Neptune, so this is an odd sort of combustion.  Mercury and Venus never get too, too far from the Sun.  But the Sun can be anywhere with respect to Neptune, which sits still for years.  So this is an interesting higher-self choice, to make Neptune, the access to the higher self connection, obscured within the Sun’s corona.  The ego here — the Sun, the body, mind, and spirit called Jimmy Kimmel — is right on top of his connection to source energy.  A very interesting paradox.

I’m going to come back to the Sun and Neptune.  But also in Scorpio is Mercury, who never really gets too far from the Sun.  Like Mike and Farah Suckabee, Jimmy’s Mercury is detached from the Sun, free of its corona and thus visible as its own entity, not subsumed in the Sun’s intensity.  (Jimmy has rather close-set eyes, arguing against my theory about the eyes as the windows to the soul being reflected in the relationship between Mercury and the Sun.)  Anyway.  Jimmy’s Mercury is in Mars/Pluto’s sign of Scorpio, thus on their agenda.  Ixion is, too, along with everything in Gemini or Virgo, just to make that explicit.  Jimmy’s thoughts and words (and everything they can control) work for Mars first, then Pluto.

My communion of saints woke me up about 2:30 a.m., suggesting I look at Jimmy Kimmel’s natal chart.  They also recommended I look at dwarf planet Ixion, which is something I don’t normally work with.  So this has been introduced into my astro lexicon, thanks Jimmy!  I’ll think of it as pre-reparations.  Lo and behold, Jimmy has an opportunity for me to use my Pluto to explore less-charted parts of our solar system through astrology.

Ixion is what I will perhaps indelicately describe as “the Brotherf*cker.”  Ixion is the one who betrays his tribe, murders his father-in-law to avoid paying his debt.  Ixion is given another chance, and acts out again.  So there’s a redemption theme.  There’s a theme of second chances, and blowing them.  There’s a theme of victimizing the ones who love, support, and trust you.  And there’s a financial gain to the motivation, though it’s not the primary theme.   It’s more of an Antares-like bad behavior for its own sake, conflict-driven.  But money does play into it.  And not for nothing, Jimmy Kimmel has more money than any trafficking survivor I know.  Not sure how life-threatening his PTSD may be.

So it’s interesting to me that Jimmy’s Mercury is on that theme of redemption.   I don’t know that he has screwed his family or his partners.  But I do know that he has arguably unjustly enriched himself at the expense of all women, by dehumanizing us for fun and profit.   And clearly he does want redemption, as discussed by Atlantic.  But his ego, his Sun, is quite distant from Mercury, his thoughts.  And it’s obscuring his access to his higher self and its guidance.  Unless of course he chooses to embrace radical integrity.  But that involves humbling oneself, which is not Scorpio’s thing.  Scorpios don’t get mad, they get even.    So my sense is of one who doesn’t necessarily take ownership of his thoughts or identify with them, like the Muckabees.  He may feel like he can use one set of thoughts and words one day, and another set another day, and there’s no conflict for him.  That would be a Neptune issue, which again, Jimmy has combust.

So it’s kind of all-or-nothing with the Pluto.  And the Sun/Neptune add to that, adding almost an alpha and omega feeling.  Jimmy’s chart is way too explosive for him to sort of meander over to the good side.   He needs to step up or step aside.  I’m already 1,500 words in and still on Scorpio.  I need to look at the condition of both of those planets to see what really drives him.

Jimmy’s Mars is in Capricorn, ruled by Saturn.  That adds a decidedly masculine tone to the whole thing.  Saturn is cold, hard, and judgmental.  He is only concerned with things he can judge, measure, and count.  His body is one of those.  But Saturn ruling over one of the co-rulers suggests a certain love of money and belief in his own authority.  I did my level best to never know anything about The Man Show.  But in the Atlantic and a few other articles, there were a number of quotes about “fighting the rising tide of feminism.”  Jimmy used to say that was all a joke.  Is that what he’s still saying?  Capricorn is not a big joker.  Scorpio’s jokes are more like dirty tricks.  I get that Jimmy has changed a lot over the years, in terms of his material.  But underneath, I get that no, he’s the same self-serving Ixion.  And the Capricorn Mars suggests financial greed in that context.

Jimmy also has that problematic Capricorn Mars conjunct Toro the Raging Bull, which is where someone sees red and charges.  I expect Jimmy to have quite a temper and a mean streak; however Capricorn will tend to subdue that raging hard-on Mars, and Scorpio is underhanded.  So very much passive-aggressive.  Maybe that’s why he thinks he can pass The Man Show off as satire, with the above plus his distant-from-the-Sun Mercury.  He might assume we can all just shed our thoughts and words like a snake outgrowing its skin.  That reminds me of the brave little Charlottesville tiki-torch Nazi who, finding himself among the resisters, stripped his uniform shirt off and said it was, “Just a joke.”  Cowardly, self-serving, conflict-driven, fickle.  That’s the down side of Ixion.

In terms of the sexism, Jimmy’s chart argues that no, it was absolutely not a joke.  Jimmy has major issues.  Going back now to Mars, the God of War is an apt chart co-ruler for the guy from The Man Show, as discussed.  He’s also in Saturn’s sign.  But Saturn is in Mars’ sign, conjunct the Moon.  Remember Neptune is combust here, invisible within the Sun’s corona, making it difficult for Jimmy to see his higher self or be aware that it’s not his ego.  The Moon is the feminine principle, the ability to see oneself in other people.   That’s one of the primary ways we connect with our higher selves, that and Venus, which is also in trouble here.  But back to Saturn.

Saturn and Mars are thus in “mutual reception,” guests in each other’s homes.  However they’re also square.  So that’s like two guys who don’t get along (the Greater and Lesser Malefic), in each other’s apartments, arguing.  Mars is on the attack (Toro), Saturn’s on the defensive (Moon).   The North Node is also late in Mars’ sign of Aries, meaning that Mars is overall the ruler of this chart, with Pluto and Saturn in that order.   Because the Moon is caught up in this messy fight between Mars and Saturn, she can be considered “besieged,” a thing I just learned when I pulled up the above Wikipedia link.

Jimmy’s Moon and Saturn are further under attack by Jimmy’s very unhappy, ever-so-bad Libra situation, featuring Venus tightly conjunct both Dejanira the Victim and Ceres the Earth Mother.   Just as being on a thing called The Man Show where women are semi-nude and referred to as “juggies” is abusive of women generally, Dejanira the Sexual Violence Victim conjunct both Venus (women generally) and Ceres the Earth Mother is pretty straightforward.  When you demean and belittle women for money and sport, you abuse and exploit the divine feminine, represented by Ceres the Earth Mother and the Moon (as well as obviously Venus, and if you think about it, all of the energies of female experience, including Dejanira).  Also Vesta the True Believer is in Capricorn, though not conjunct.  But still serves to shore up his aggressive Mars.  If you had any margin of error on Jimmy, whether he was just kidding, this should answer your questions.

All of that is in Venus’ sign of Libra.  Ceres and Dejanira are on the same degree, with Venus 2 degrees away.  So having all of this opposition the Moon shows a distinct projection of judgment and ill-will onto women.  Saturn is judge, jury, and executioner.  He’s in a macho death-grip with Mars, and losing.  Saturn is punishing conjunct the Moon (ask me, I know!).  In me it has been lifelong depression despite constantly fighting for my happy mood.

self portrait with worldSo Jimmy probably has that banged-up feeling in his heart.  And Scorpio, his Sun sign, is a water sign, thus very susceptible to the Moon, moods, the moods of other people.  The water signs are intuitive, even in a chart with this raging Mars trying to scorch everything.  This speaks to one who can dish it out better than he can take it.  Saturn being square to Mars and opposite Venus, Ceres, and Dejanira, that makes everybody feel bad because Saturn has judged them.  Saturn judges everybody, male and female.  But in this deck called Jimmy Kimmel, Mars has everything stacked in a most cowardly way.  The Man Show is clearly spelled out as non-ironic here, much more than even in the chart of rape troll Jim Jefferies.

I’m sure with the Scorpio he does feel really bad sometimes, very down.   Scorpio the envelope-pusher has high highs and low lows.  But he’s learned to tone down the mean spiritedness — and the race-baiting, which I didn’t know about until I read the Atlantic article above.  It’s clear to me that that’s part of the detached Mercury, where he thinks he can just change shirts.   That Saturn Moon is always bummed out.  Interesting that he’s a comedian.  Looks like it’s the old, tears of a clown.

The Libra thing, though.  Wow.  Jimmy also has Juno the Spouse in Libra, completing the set of female asteroids, all in Libra, under attack.  Venus in Libra wants everyone to get along.  She hates everything about The Man Show, from the farting to the meanness to the all of it.  And Jimmy has all of the women (Pallas the Field Marshal has a hypermasculine quality, “daddy’s girl”) corralled into the sign where Venus won’t fight back.  That would be Taurus, where the women dictate terms and have horns to enforce.  Libra doesn’t want any arguing.  And like with the detached Mercury, having Juno in a separate category from women generally (Venus), his mother (Ceres), and degraded/abused women (Dejanira) creates a theme.  Jimmy has a great ability to compartmentalize people, the classic Madonna/whore syndrome.  His wife is off in a separate category from the juggies.

His mother, I should mention, has no such luck.  I would expect Jimmy’s father to have been a mean drunk.   I think the joke he made about women liking Oscar because he has no penis was really quite Freudian.  That’s a perfect example of the sour, Saturnian Moon projecting his insecurities onto women.  Nobody has called for mass castration that I know of.  The first dozen or so times I was called a “castrating bitch” it was a conversation ender, because it made no sense to me whatsoever, so i didn’t know how to respond.  His penis had never crossed my mind, much less altering it — that was the problem.  Over time I realized that it was just the giant, fragile ego hating to see a woman stronger, smarter, better than them in any little way.

Jimmy has a two-sided T-square, a little bit like the three-sided box noted in Nikolas Cruz and other … difficult people.  The grand cross that would make a four-sided box would allow the huge amount of friction to flow in a logical circuit, creating more drive and dynamism.  Similarly having another square from Mars to Venus would give Jimmy a T-square, a logical circuit to address that friction between Saturn/Moon and really the rest of the chart.  So like with serial killer John Bittrolff and his Mars/Saturn/Pluto problem, “all worked up and nobody to strangle” or Nikolas Cruz with his eddy of unhappiness pooling and stagnating, here there is no easy way for Neptune to step in and integrate the overall personality, resolve the friction between the genders so vividly depicted in this chart.

There’s also that little criss-cross of minor aspects that I first saw in Nikolas Cruz and then a few other antisocial types, though with them it’s the dashed green inconjuncts.  Jimmy has those dotted lines criss-crossing, which are called sesquares.  The glyph is a little box with a “greater than” sign (>) at the bottom.  That is a minor negative influence, where there isn’t quite an inconjunct that could allow the friction to be redirected.  Maybe a bit like stepping off a curb a certain way and hurting your ankle.  Just not quite a smooth transition.  Those two energies have low-level friction.  And the criss-crossing seems to be something like an internal “chutes and ladders,” as I would expect with multiple yods, but on a decidedly negative tone.

Also in this chart the affected planets are truly vital:  From the Sun (the point of the whole life) and Neptune (the access to the higher self) there is a clash with the Moon (our empathy) and Saturn (our selfishness).  Then Mr. Highly aggro  “king of the hill” in this crotch-grabbing chart, Mars/Toro, is clashing with Jupiter.  Jimmy’s Jupiter is doing a good job of endearing him to people and embiggening his life, with that dashed green line, the inconjunct redirection from the piss-pot Saturn/Moon to him being the life of the party.

In terms of the male toxicity, I am finally at the point where I can mention that Nessus the Wife Beater is directly on Aldebaran, putting him on that Archangel Michael/pack of demons continuum.  Interestingly Jimmy has the asteroid representing sexual perpetrators of all kinds (including emotional and verbal abuse, if it’s gender-based) directly on the Archangel Michael’s spot, fixed star Aldebaran.  It’s sort of like the Sun being directly atop Neptune, the lesser factor aligning with a much more powerful one.  If Nessus or any of the demon pack show up on Aldebaran, they should expect decapitation.  Any integrity failure with an Aldebaran contact is likely to be very, very painful — during the life for others, and after the life for the native.

So Dejanira has an ominous placement, and her counterpart, her abuser, does too.

Jupiter, Pallas, Pluto, and Uranus are all in Virgo, so ruled by Mercury, the thoughts and words part of the self.  Mercury is the part of our mind that we are conscious of, where the Moon is the part that includes dreams, gut feelings, irrational fears, and the desire to drink oneself into a coma.  Mercury and especially Virgo can have real difficulty connecting with others emotionally as opposed to judging them.  Chart co-ruler Pluto and Mr. I Gotta Be Me Uranus are ruled by Mercury here.  That is again on the theme of compartmentalization, having both of those planets in Mercury’s Earth sign of Virgo.

Virgo the Virgin, by definition, does not allow others to penetrate, is not affected by them.  That’s why she’s still a virgin.  This is much like honey’s use as an antiseptic.  It’s not that honey kills germs, per se.  It’s that honey sticks to a surface and doesn’t permit penetration even by bacteria.  Nothing can get through.  That’s the virginity of Virgo.  Then remember, highly poisonous Ixion is right there on the same degree as Mercury.  With Ixion conjunct Mercury, everything in Gemini and Virgo is radioactive in a chart where there’s any integrity question at all.  In a Scorpio chart with problem Mars like this one, Ixion is not to be trusted IMO.

I haven’t had a chance to mention that this is a locomotive chart with a Jupiter engine.  You haven’t heard me mention Jupiter thus far, which is kind of interesting considering this guy is a talk-show host.  That should be a prominent Mercury-Jupiter guy, I would think.  Ixion should help make him a slick talker.  Mercury and all that Libra would help him keep the chat rather light, avoid the sort of intense emotional entanglements that Jimmy would be prone to with his Scorpio-heavy chart.  This must be helping to keep him from getting as intense with people as the Mars/Pluto/Nessus/Toro etc. would suggest.  I also don’t know his birth time, so have no angle or house information to work with.  That can be very telling.

Bottom line, Jimmy Kimmel owes the world an apology for The Man Show.  That would need to come first, then follow up that heartfelt apology — and financial reparations, because greedy Saturn loves money, and so does Ixion















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