Paula White, Astrosplained

Paula White

Popes and Prophetesses,

Today I have a very special treat for you, one of the wackiest white ladies on TV, Paula White. Warning, this video may not be suitable for “uncircumcised Philistines.”

I hear the sound of an abundance of snark
Charlamagne tha God had some pithy observations about Paula White

There are a lot of videos involved in explaining this woman, but I promise I will do the actual astrology of both her and Kenneth Copeland, because the WTF factor is so high. You kind of have to see it to believe it.

Let me start with the basics as usual, assessing the luminaries. The Sun is at 0 Taurus, with the Moon combust at 28 Aries. With the Sun at a 0 degree, that person is on a bit of a mission. Like they can’t even wait to get all the way into the sign. So Taurus, with that sense of deserving to be supported by others, is strong.

Paula also has the Moon combust, concealed within the Sun’s massive corona. So it wouldn’t be visible with a telescope, because all you would see is the light coming from her enormous sense of self, her Sun, her concept of what it means to be Paula White-Cain.

With the Venus Sun and concealed Mars Moon, this is very much someone who was born to get people on her agenda. Venus is about the people in our lives, those who love and support us. Venus is generally rather selfish and shallow, likes to look pretty and be well-liked. Venus wants everything charming, fresh, and gentle, and doesn’t care how it gets that way. Especially in her Earth sign of Taurus, Venus has a material bent. Venus is never a hard worker, that’s Mars’ job.

So the entitlement is very strong with the 0 Taurus Sun, as well as the ability to get people on her agenda with the Mars Moon. Let me just tell you if mama aint happy, aint nobody happy. Another classic Taurus cliche: mess with the bull, get the horns. Especially with all of those oppositions and extra crunchy Sun, Moon, Mars, and Pluto aspects.

This particular Sun-Moon combo really tells most of the story about Paula White-Cain. Venus Sun, the woman is my age and looks 30, has an adult son — who notably carries a security blanket around in the above video but is old enough to drive — but her figure is still perfectly slim and curvy, again like she’s in her 30s.

Venus, especially in Taurus, is a bit of a Real Housewife. Bourgeois, lazy, expects to be treated like royalty. But people love her, that’s why she’s on the show. Paula has the right stars to get people buying into her. She’s scatting for Jesus and people love her for it.

So Venus is ruling the Sun. Then Venus herself is in Pisces, coruled by Jupiter and Neptune. Without even checking I can say that Jupiter is looking good in this chart, because Paula runs a megachurch. It’s really right on the nose. Jupiter is the part of religion where “church” and “mega” make sense together. Too much is never enough for Jupiter.

Then the Neptune part is also self-evident if you watch the video where she’s trying to gaslight Jesus into giving Trump a second term. That’s what it looks like when people jump into the river of Denial and baptize themselves daily. That’s what her gifted Neptune is doing over there in tricky, secretive Scorpio, telling people exactly what they want to hear.

So the other thing that’s combust is Mars and asteroid Honeycutt, but I’ll get to the asteroids in a minute because wowoweewow, very nice.

Paula is a very aggressive woman, incredibly stubborn with that Taurus Sun and Moon in late Aries. That’s why she’s over there “Strike! And strike! And strike!” because she really plans on not giving up until God gives her what she wants. Taurus the bull is stubborn as hell. The Mars combustion suggests that this doesn’t always work in her favor, she may be prone to missteps and leaping before she looks. Especially with the Aries Moon right on the other side of the corona, this is a very macho woman, very aggressive and physically high-energy. This is the kind of woman whose husband files for a restraining order.

You may have heard the saying, “the devil’s in the details.” Well, never has that been more true than with Ms. Paula. Let’s dive into the ephemeris below the chart, the listed aspects so we can compare all of the math at once. It’ll be fun, I promise. If you get scared just watch the first video above, and when you’re done laughing/dancing come back to it.

Paula White has a ton of oppositions and minor hard aspects

The Sun is where we look at who we believe ourselves to be, what we think it means to be [your name here]. So when we see a lot of aspects off of the Sun, we see someone who thinks all of these different things are directly tied to who she is as a person. Someone enormously egotistical, in other words.

All those little squares with the hooks, to me they look like a TV on a stand. Anyway all of those are like indigestible bits of the personality, things that are unlikely to ever be reconciled or harmonized within the individual.

Based on the friction Pluto has with the Sun, Moon, and Mars complex, I expect Paula to be extremely secretive, manipulative, exploitative, and controlling. Nothing surprises me about this chart except how on-the-nose it is.

Sometimes you will find such a person with a lot of sun aspects who is truly a guru, because they put their heart and soul into everything they do, and they work through their egotistical crap at a level other people can’t imagine. But I don’t see that being the case with Paula based on how it’s all working out for her. I think it’s safe to say she has some integrity issues, that all of her stuff doesn’t add up the way she says it does.

The video below discusses how Paula met Randy White. They were both married to other people, met each other, both got divorced and married each other. So based on that part of the story alone I had to look at Ixion the Brotherfucker. Ixion is where you betray the people who trust you. Anyone preaching the prosperity gospel, telling old people to donate their pension checks even if they can’t afford it, is IMHO a brotherfucker, abusing people’s trust and support.

Look at Ixion right there at 0 Scorpio, just a few seconds from asteroid Gold at 29 Libra. Both of those are directly across from the Sun/Moon/Mars complex, and now you can see where I’m going with this. Oppositions have everything to do with the things that oppose. Paula has both Gold and Ixion together opposition both luminaries. That feels like almost all I need to say about this chart.

But this is probably the right time to mention that Paula also has Juno the Spouse combust. As Charlamagne notes in the video above, Paula gained the perfect name through marriages. First white, because she’s Karen personified. Then Cain, because I also immediately thought of the mark of Cain, as did Charlamagne. Based on all of the hard angles in this chart, from Pluto and the Sun among others, I can only imagine the misery that would be marriage with Paula White-Cain.

Look how Paula has Chiron and Saturn on the same degree at 24 Pisces, the sign of the church. Chiron is where we address our self-destructive tendencies — or not! When we look at a disappearance chart, if there’s something bad happening with Chiron it’s safe to say something didn’t make them stronger, it killed them.

Saturn is the moneybag, the judge, jury, and executioner. Saturn doesn’t give a damn about any church beyond wanting to tax it if he’s in the government and making sure it doesn’t get taxed if he’s in the church. This love of money appears to be an actual theme with Paula, go figure. That’s her drug. Neptune, remember, is where we look for every form of addiction, lie, and delusion.

So the fact that Paula has all those asteroids bunched up in Pisces, Aries, and Taurus is also no surprise. False gurus like our old buddy Keith Raniere and the guy who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart often have prominent Neptune.

This is probably a good time to explain that the inner asteroid belt is located between the inner and outer planets. Of course there are many more bodies than Ceres, Pallas, Juno, Chiron, and Vesta, and not all are technically asteroids. But the point is each of these represents a tiny fragment of the way we engage interpersonally: Juno shows who we are in partnership. Vesta shows our personal true north. Chiron shows our self-destructiveness. Who we are as siblings, spouses, neighbors, bus riders, butchers, bakers, and candlestick makers, that sort of thing is all spread out among the asteroid belt just like the myriad micro-interactions many humans have all day every day.

Anyway much of Paula’s asteroid activity (in terms of the ones we know how to work with) being in Pisces, Aries, and Taurus makes perfect sense with the rest of the chart and what I know about her.

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